Happily Married at 40! (Next chapter)

adopted from " How to ruin your Life by 40"...

i think next we shall continue to see what God want us to know and prepare so we as christians know what to you. Coz i think we at this age is not young to know about this things.

It's a rather good start to know!



It was Robert Schumann who said : " When I was a young man, W vowed never to marry until i found the ideal woman. Well, I found her - but, alas she was waiting for the perfect man. "

Perfection will be hard to find.

Perhaps it would be wiser to look for compatibility instead of perfection. If your focus is on finding a mate with whom you are compatible, you will give yourself a much higher probability of enjoying a satisfying nd meaningful marriage at forty.

If you are compatible with someone, you fit with them. Or to put it another way, the two of you just "click".

If you are on AM and they are on FM, you are not compatible. To be compatible is to be on the same frequency. It's the ability to understand and read someone - and they can do the same for you.

Very briefly, let me pass on some wisdom that was given yo me nearly thrity years ago by Dr. Grant Howard.

Did you know that there are s ix key areas of compatibility that are part of any relationship? One of the goals before you get married is to find out how you fit with this other person is this six areas :

1. Intellectually - interests and ideas you share in common; learning to think together, not always alike.

2. Emotionally - appreciating one another's emotional makeup; you both should feel understood by the other.

3. Socially - not embarrassed by the other in groups, comfortable with their speech and actions.

4. Volitionally - leaning to make decisions together.

5. Spiritually - you are both seeking the lord together and obeying his words.

6. Physically - appropriately expressing the affection of your heart.

Now there's an extremely important point. To find out if you are compatible with an individual in these areas, how many of those areas are discovered by touching? The answer is one, and it's obviously the physical.

How many of thosr six areas are developed by talking? The answer is five. You find out if you are compatible with someone intellectually, emotionally, socially, volitionally, and spiritually by talking.

That's five for talking and one for touching.

Now watch this logic. Therefore, I would conclude that before you are married, a relationship should be characterized by a maximum of talking and a minimum of touching.

Does that not make sense?

SURE it does. It made sense when Dr. Howard said it thirty years ago, and it makes sense now.

What happens when a couple gets real involved physically? They get deceived into thinking that they are very close. But they are not close. They are close physically. But they are not close volitionally. Volition is the ability to choose, to decide. So if you marry this person, will you use credit cards or not? Will you put your kids in public schools or homeschool them?

It's amazing how many couples are very intimate and very close physically - but they are miles apart in the areas that really count. They have no idea if they compatible on very important matters because their focus is on touching rather than talking.

For a long time, guys have been trying to get girls to sleep with them by telling them, " We have to find out if we are sexually compatible."

A guy who uses that line needs to enroll in Biology 101. If you have a male and female, guess what - they're sexually compatible. Woman, when a guy uses that line, what he is really sating is that he wants to use you to meet his sexual desires. Please allow me to be very, very blunt. He simply wants to have an orgasm with you. Don't fall for that nonsense. Sexually, any man and woman are physically compatible.

And one more thing.

Get to know their heart. Do you really know their heart? Do you know what's down deep inside them? Is Christ ruling and reigning on the throne of their heart? Do you know their hopes and dreams? Have they shared their failures of the past and fears of the future?

If they make a commitment, will they keep a commitment? If they don't demonstrate that in their life, then run. If you're not sure, you don't know enough about them yet. Back off on the physical and get to know their heart. Find out if their heart is compatible with you heart.

Your whole life is on the line here. And so is the life of your future children. This is nothing to play around with - but if you seek the lord with your whole heart and listen to wise counsel, He will instruct you.

He will make known to you the path of life (Psalm 16:11).

So there are some ground rules. And if you follow them it will guarantee that you will happily married at forty.

Not quite.

Those ground rules are of strategic importance. But they are simply the foundational principles you build on as you look for a potential mate.

They are common sense principles. And they can save your life.

Psalm 127:1 sums it all up:
Unless the Lord builds the house, They labor in vain who builds it.


Joeyee WATT